I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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