I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
