what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
