The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
