What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
