if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
