i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
