Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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