I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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