I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
