hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
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I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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