Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
