We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
