If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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