Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
