And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
