First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
