I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
