You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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