I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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