Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
