All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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