i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
