You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
