They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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