weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
