I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
