he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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