Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
