Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
