Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
this boner is exhausting
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
