My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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