There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
