Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
