I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
