Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
