I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
