i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
