So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
