He uses pillows to masturbate.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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