Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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