Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
