Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
