just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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