i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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