My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
