Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
