Ambien. No doubt about it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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