You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
