Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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