Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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