I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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