just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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