grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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