I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
