I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
