I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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