it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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