I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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