my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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