Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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