I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
