yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
