Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Congratulations! We have a period
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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