my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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