The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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