i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
