drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
