we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
