I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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