No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
