I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
