new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
