I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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