he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
