This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Let's paint friendship bongs
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
