I'm going to jail i love you
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
