when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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